Young Forever? No Thanks!

Tap dancing class in the gymnasium at Iowa State College. Ames, Iowa, 1942. Jack Delano, photographer.Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division

By Julia Sneden

The other day, I received a communication from an agent at a public relations firm, inquiring whether or not I’d be interested in conducting an interview with one of her clients who had developed a list of “ten tips to help the elderly keep old age at bay.”

There followed a ten-step list that was absolutely generic, and would have been pertinent for anyone over the age of sixteen. It brought to mind those interchangeable columns in magazines which bear titles like: “How To Keep Hubby Interested In You,” or “Ten Ways to Improve Your Mind” (or “Body” or “Sex Appeal” — which one you choose  won’t matter, because they’re all pretty much the same).

If the list of tips for the elderly that the person sent to me hadn’t been so earnest, and so laughable, and so perfectly simple-minded, I’d have been insulted. As it was, I shared it with some of my friends, an action which produced a lot of hilarity, as well as more than a little disbelief.

In addition to the no-brainers like “go on new adventures” and “learn new things,” the list urges oldsters to “get a dog,” “play games,” and “hang out with people who are younger than you …”  or  “take … care of your skin … and teeth” and “keep drinking and smoking to a minimum.”  

The one that absolutely boggled my mind began with “Be in love … do cute romantic gestures you used to do, like leave little love notes around the house …”.  I realize that the youngster who wrote these probably hasn’t lived long enough to understand that love can be expressed in ways more mundane but somehow more effective than cute little love notes:  a good, home-cooked meal;  a hand reaching across the bed to clasp another hand in the dark; a bout of silly laughter over something that happened years ago, and even the occasional wild embrace.

I have not responded to the offer of an interview with the author of the list, simply because it’s fairly plain that we don’t speak the same language. But were I to do so, I’d have to start off with:

“Dear Child,”

Thanks so much for the Ten-Step Plan, but  if you insist on trying to instruct the elders of the community, have you considered that we quite certainly have already received this absolutely generic information via churches, magazines, tv programs, 10-step programs, divorce courts, and our very own grandmothers?

Go out and look around you, instead of looking into your mirror. There is not much you have thought or done that has not been thought or done by the generations before you, even though we didn’t have your electronic social networks.

There is nothing wrong with being old. Like those generations before us, we, too, were young, and we, too, have aged, just as you, too, will age. It’s what happens to the human race despite all those wise tips. No amount of exercise or cosmetic surgery or brain games or vitamin pills or even love notes will change the fact that biology is destiny. We age, and if we have put any energy into living, our faces and bodies show it. Remembering my grandmother’s beloved faces, lined and soft and gentle as they were, is dear to me. I hope that my face, too, gives  evidence of a life lived energetically, with past sorrow and joy and fatigue right there for the world to see.

I cannot imagine a life less interesting than one in which one remains eternally young, even though I enjoy fond memories of my own youth. But “memories” is what they are, not a longing for continuance. I am old, but I have learned a lot, had a lot of fun, dealt with sorrows and regained joy, and am still interested in the world around me. I read; I write; I laugh; I listen to music; I cook; I play card games with my grandson, not because I want to stay young, but because we enjoy one another (even when I lose). I swim, because I love the water and am grateful for the strength it gives me.

Those things suit me. Codifying them per your list does not.

The generic stuff you advise for “old folks” applies to living well at any age. I suggest you get a life, go out, and live it.

Yrs truly

An Old Hand

©2014 Julia Sneden for SeniorWomen.com