A Diane Girard Reprise: Keep Those Paws Off My Pajamas

by Diane Girard

There are many kinds of sleepwear for women, perhaps too many. We can choose from long and short nightgowns, long and short pajamas, and wispy things that hide nothing. Some folk like to sleep in the nude and certainly there are times when that’s fun. But for a good night’s rest in the wintertime, especially when sleeping alone, I recommend and wear sturdy flannelette pajamas. My problem arose when my favourite pair became too thin and I needed to replace them. Oh, if only that was a simple task!

US government advert during World War II; U.S. National Archives and Records Administration

I am not usually a demanding woman, but there are pajamas I will not wear. I’m sorry if I offend anyone, but I no longer buy the ones with critters on them. I have tried — but the animals disturbed me. I woke up in the middle of the night, wondering if I had crushed the wee things. And their tiny paws left weird marks on my body, which stayed for hours. I don’t need wrinkles in strange places. I have a sufficient number already. Besides that, critters are entirely too cute and don’t suit my somewhat grumpy personality. I do not want to wear pink frilly nightwear either (not that there’s anything wrong with that) because then I feel silly, as if I’m stuck in a time warp at a pajama party. If I wish to feel young and sprightly, there are sometimes other activities available.

Am I too picky? I also object to sleeping attire adorned with hundreds of tiny florets, because I am not a size six. Too many flowers make me look like a meadow. And, it’s discombobulating to see them moving about in the bathroom mirror, first thing in the morning. I have enough trouble remembering who I am before I inhale my coffee. You can see my dilemma.