Detours To Dreamland: Trying Not to Allow Any Morpheus Murderers Into My Boudoir

by Rose Madeline Mula

I can’t remember when I became an insomniac.  I just know it seems like forever since I’ve been able to drop off when my head hits the pillow and awake in the morning refreshed after eight hours of peaceful, dreamless slumber.  

Morpheus, the Greek God of Dreams; F. Tolstoy (1852, Tretyakov Gallery). Photo by shakko, Wikimedia

It’s mostly my own fault.  I break all the rules. For one thing, I know I’m supposed to limit screens (TV, computer, tablet, cell phone) for a period before bedtime — and certainly not allow any of these Morpheus murderers into my boudoir, but I just can’t do it.  I need them all to distract my imaginative, catastrophizing mind from countless concerns, which multiply exponentially the moment I cross the threshold into my bedroom. “Why worry?” people ask. “It won’t change anything.” I know! That’s what worries me most!  And that’s why my toys are a must at bedtime. Gone are the days when all I needed was a teddy bear to cuddle. Instead, my nightstand is littered with so many electronic gadgets, remote controls, and chargers, there’s no room for a glass of water (which is just as well — I don’t need even more sleep-disruptive trips to the potty).

Lately, in an effort to decrease those bathroom treks, I have not let any liquids past my lips after 7:00 PM. Not only has that been ineffective, but today I saw a report claiming that drinking a full glass of water at bedtime decreases the possibility of a fatal nocturnal heart attack.  So do I restrict my night time water intake in hopes for undisturbed rest (which might last forever) or do I guzzle down eight ounces while watching Steven Colbert with odds that I’ll still be awake (and alive) when the 5:00 AM news comes on?

I don’t understand why watching TV in my den in the evening knocks me out unfailingly, but stumbling the twenty steps to my bedroom revives me, and turning on the TV in there has the same effect as participating in the ice bucket challenge.  It makes me bright-eyed, alert, and ready to face the day! Unfortunately, it’s midnight.